If You Asked Me To (Acceptance)
by Take
Summary: shounen ai; Should Hiei tell Kurama about his feelings? WILL he tell Kurama about his feelings?


*Standard disclaimers*  
  
Yaoi  
  
If You Asked Me To (Acceptance)  
  
--Celine Dion  
  
by Take (September 1998)  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Used to be that I believed in something  
  
Used to be that I believed in love  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Night. My ally; it's always been. It hides me now as I watch Kurama sleep. He stirs, as if aware of my presence on the branch outside of his window. I hold my breath until he turns and subsides, murmuring something unintelligible.  
  
I can't help but feel a little wistful when I watch the youko. It must be a…nice…feeling; to be able to sleep so soundly and trustingly in an environment that's safe.  
  
My earliest memories hold a vague sense of being held and loved; is this what Kurama feels, now that he's human? I wish…  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It's been a long time since I've had that feeling  
  
I could love someone  
  
I could trust someone  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Che. What am I thinking? I can feel the scowl on my features as I shake my head in self-disgust. What was that ningen saying Kurama told me once - if wishes were fishes we'd walk on water.  
  
Betrayal can cut deep, and leave scars on the body and soul that no healer could ever hope to erase. I look at the sleeping kitsune again, the same one I almost killed with Ghostslayer. Strangely, or perhaps not, it was Kurama's abandonment that hurt most. He's my friend after all…and now he wants more.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I said I'd never let nobody near my heart again darlin'  
  
I said I'd never let nobody in  
  
~~~~~~  
  
A part of me wants to run, wants to get as far away from the redheaded youko as I can. I've trusted before, and it's gotten me nothing but pain. I'm not sure if I can let anybody get so close to me - if I'm still capable of giving what Kurama wants.  
  
The other part is urging me to accept what he that sleeps offers so freely; his heart, body, and soul. It tells me to reach out and grasp what's in reach and hold it to me greedily, and never let go.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
But if you asked me to,  
  
I just might change my mind  
  
And let you in my life, forever  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I can't. Not yet, anyway. I straighten on my perch and firm my resolve. There are too many that would gladly see me dead, and any that I…care about.  
  
Before starting back to the Makai, I allow myself one regret-filled glance at Kurama. He's turned back so that he's facing the window. Long scarlet tresses spread over his pillow like tendrils of flame, framing his pale features. He looks so peaceful lying there, his delicate countenance illuminated softly by the moonlight.  
  
Utsukushii…  
  
~~~~~~  
  
If you asked me to  
  
I just might give my heart  
  
And stay here in your arms forever  
  
If you asked me to  
  
If you asked me to  
  
~~~~~~  
  
The night air feels much colder against my skin for some reason. I remember my first meeting with the kitsune, and our various battles as Tantei since that fateful encounter. In each instance, Kurama was there to watch my back, an ally I knew I could rely on. He'd always be the one to re-ward the Kokuryuha for me after I'd released it. And when I'd slept off my exhaustion, his was the first face I'd see.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Somehow ever since I've been around you  
  
Can't go back to being on my own  
  
~~~~~~  
  
When did I come to depend on him as I do, be it for medical or companionable purposes? I can't remember…  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Can't help feeling darling since I've found you  
  
That I found my home  
  
That I'm finally home  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Lost in my thoughts, my feet have taken me to the park Kurama and the rest of our companions like to frequent. I pause, hesitating, them move through the quiet place, devoid of ningen activity at this late hour.  
  
My steps slow at a particular tree, the one that shades our group's favorite picnic spot. I can feel the beginnings of a smile tugging at my lips as I recall Kurama's various attempts at coaxing me out of my comfortable position on one of the overhanging branches. He'd give up eventually, settling instead for a seat below mine, angling himself so he'd easily catch my eye; something he's always been able to do.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I said I'd never let nobody get too close to me darling  
  
I said I needed, needed to be free  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It's during those rare moments of respite that I can almost understand why Kurama ties himself to this world, loud and polluted as it usually is. Almost.  
  
I need my freedom; need it as much as the air I breathe. It's who I am; nothing can change that. Nothing, except…maybe…  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
(But if you asked me to…)  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It's been a month now since I've last been in the Ningenkai…a month since I've last seen that redheaded youko. Somehow my legs have carried me back to the tree in the park; and consequently, back to Kurama.  
  
He sits quietly in his usual spot, not evidencing a reaction as I break habit and drop down to settle beside him.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Ask me to, I will give my world to you baby  
  
I need you now  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Kurama shifts closer so that our bodies are touching from shoulder to thigh. I can feel his warmth even through two layers of clothing. Almost uncertainly, he rests his head on my shoulder, as if expecting an illusion; a facsimile that'd vanish as soon as his head nestles in the crook of my neck.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Ask me to, I'll do anything for you baby, for you baby  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Unused to physical contact, I involuntarily stiffen. Kurama tenses and begins to pull away; he's mistaken my instinctive reaction for a rebuff.  
  
I let the rigid muscles of my body relax, molding myself to the beautiful youko's side. Before he can lift his head, I lay mine on his, rubbing my cheek in the soft red hair, inhaling its intoxicating scent. Now its Kurama's turn to stiffen in surprise.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~  
  
If you asked me to  
  
I'd let you in my life forever  
  
If you asked me to…  
  
~~~~~~  
  
I close my eyes to savor the feel of Kurama's body next to mine as the youko turns into me, laying a possessive arm around my waist. A faint smile makes its way past my guard, and I quickly duck my head and hide it in the kitsune's hair.  
  
So he thinks he's got me, ne?  
  
Well, I've got him, too.  
  
  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
